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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Super-SONIC Tips for SegaManiacs! - Part 3

Well, it's time to take on Sonic CD.  Before I begin the actual guide section, let's take a look at the first two pages again.

First things first.  The guide points out that Sonic CD has "A full-length music soundtrack heard throughout the game."  Wow. full-length music soundtrack!  I'm so sick of these damn Genesis games that have a sound effect soundtrack only or a soundtrack that just gives out halfway through.  Thank God for the Sega CD machine!  Next, after a few moments spent talking about the controls, we talk about the plot of the game.  The plot, according to this guide, is that Princess Sally has been kidnapped by Dr. Robotnik and Sonic must rescue her.  That's it.  No mention of the Little Planet at all.  Now, I'll give them a pass on the Princess Sally thing since if I remember correctly, she was given that name in the instruction manual in the US version of the game.  However, they also call Metal Sonic "Robo-Sonic."

They also say "In the final zone of Sonic CD, called Metallic Madness, you meet up with a new and improved Robo-Sonic, who is an evil robot created by the Doc."  What the Hell were they smoking?  Did they even play the game?  I mean, seriously, this guide doesn't even mention the final boss of Sonic 3 yet somehow MAKES UP A BOSS for Sonic CD.  My God.  Now, I know I mentioned in part 1 that sometimes guides use WIP versions of the game to have it out by the game's release.  However, I highly doubt that the Big Arm boss was thrown in at the last minute and that a special Metal Sonic fight was taken out of CD at the last minute as well.  Yes, I know there was supposed to be a "Final Fever" Zone that was cut but I doubt it was still being thought of by the time this guide was written.

After the introduction, the guide cuts to the chase and starts with, of all things, the special stage.  Tips include watch out for hazards and Sonic travels underwater in some zones.

Wait a minute, what?

Yes, without any sort of warning or labels, the guide suddenly shifts to talking about Tidal Tempest.  Let's count the ways in which this is completely screwed up.

1) There's no title for Tidal Tempest
2) It's on the same page as the Special Stage title making it seem like part of the special stage
3) We completely skipped Palmtree Panic
4) We completely skipped Collision Chaos
5) There's no words of transition or anything that indicate we are done talking about the special stage

Anyhoo, yeah, I guess we're in Tidal Tempest now.  There isn't much advice offered until the boss, which prompts the comment "Each battle with Dr. Robotnik in Sonic CD is far more elaborate than what you're used with cartridge-based Sonic games."  Yep, those cartridge based games could never handle a confrontation in which Robotnik runs away from you in a maze in an underwater zone.  Man, that's just too crazy.  Also, I think they mean "used to", not just "used".  I don't think I'm being used with cartridge-based games.

Moving on, we reach...

Quadrant Quartz Zone?  Um...ok.  This zone gets two lengthy tips before the boss:  Sonic CD has weird badniks and there's conveyor belts.  That's it.  As for the boss, it's the conveyor belt boss:  You know, the one that destroys itself?  Yeah, they needed a full page to describe its complexity.  According to the guide, "Even though you can't touch him, you can wear out the machine he is riding in.  Every few minutes, a piece of it breaks apart."

Every few minutes.  Yep, every few minutes.  This is like the 8 minute fight apparently.  Good luck beating this thing before the 10 minute time limit!  But wait, it gets worse.

"Sonic outlasts the machine and it explodes.  This takes several minutes, so be patient!"

Yes, the explosion also takes several minutes!  As soon as you beat the boss, put on a pot of coffee because it's going to be a while before you can get out of that room.

Wacky Workbench has a few tips for the zone and again has a full page for the boss, which is apparently "One of the trickiest encounters you have with the Doc" even though it's incredibly easy.  On to Stardust Speedway!

Once again, I didn't skip anything.  This is all there is to Stardust Speedway.  In fact, as a kid, I assumed the entire Zone was just a Metal Sonic race since I didn't have the game for myself yet.  Now, let me point out something with the comment and first screenshot.  Note that Sonic is standing to the left of Metal Sonic.  Also note that the guide in no way warns that Robotnik uses his insta-death laser before the fight.  In other words, they're basically showing the player to wait for the race to begin in a spot that will get them instantly killed.  Good job, guide!

Next up, it says "Robo-Sonic clears the path to the right" at the beginning of the race which doesn't happen:  The door simply opens.  Then, note that it implies that when Metal Sonic turns gold, he'll instantly kill you which is never the case.  Finally, note that they call this a battle with the Doc.  It's not at all.

Finally, we reach Metallic Madness.  "This zone is the last in Sonic CD.  Here, you must defeat Robo-Sonic and the Doc to find Princess Sally and rescue her."
Again, what the Holy Hell were they talking about?  Did they not see Metal Sonic die at the end of the last stage?  Did they not see you free Amy at the end of Stardust Speedway?  Until this point, you get only a feeling they didn't even play the game.  However, on the first page of Metallic Madness, this becomes more than just a feeling.

Until this time, I've purposely neglected to tell you one of the dumbest things about the Sonic CD guide:  They never once mention the good future-bad future mechanic, the Metal Sonic hologram projectors, or the Badnik machines.  They simply say the game involves time travel.  Although they mention the time stones, they never once say what gathering all of them does.  All of their screenshots of the boss fights are in the bad future as a result.  Given that this mechanic is a giant part of Sonic CD, having the official guide completely neglect to mention it is astounding.

Or wait.  I partially lied.  They do mention the Badnik a way.  You see, THIS is what proves they never played the game.

"Enter into this warping machine to go into another area of the act."  Wow.  Just wow.  Not only do they not mention what this machine really does:  THEY COMPLETELY MAKE UP A GRADE A PILE OF BULL CRAP!  I mean, how do you screw this up so royally?  How?  I mean...ugh.  I give up.

But wait, there's more!  Once again, they completely neglect to give any sort of tips or images of the final boss!  The final comment of the entire Sonic CD zone guide is "As Sonic sneaks through the small holes [of the falling spike ceilings], he climbs higher and higher.  It isn't long now before your final battle with Robo-Sonic and the Doc."  That's it.  The next page is about Time Trials.  What a pile of shit.

*clears throat*  WELL.  At least I've got some Game Genie codes for Sonic CD, right, guide?  Right?

That's it, I give up.  This look into the dark ages of game walkthroughs is over.  I can't take it any more.  I leave you now with the company responsible for approving this official BradyGames guide.

(and no, I have no idea what the Hell that's supposed to be)

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